Solitude - finding the space to be alone in the age of the smart phone

Written in September 2022 - Marco Island Florida 
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    I love to be by myself.  I find my mind to be clearer and I have an easier time quieting distracting, unproductive thoughts. Over the past several years I haven’t had much time to myself, and the time that I have gotten, I’ve used to catch up on work or messages.  Is that really “time to myself”?  On some days I’ll take a walk to the beach and snap a picture to share with friends and family.  While I am physically by myself for this walk, am I in solitude with my phone in hand thinking I need to capture and share the moment with others?  Have I utilized my time physically alone to experience that solitude that I long for?  It seems to be very challenging to resist pulling out the iPhone, swiping up to unlock with face recognition and clicking a few times to check email, Facebook and Instagram.  It’s like a reflex.  Something that happens before I even realize what’s happening.  I’ve allowed my time physically by myself to be hijacked and am no longer alone in my thoughts. My chances of experiencing the solitude, that allows my mind to quiet and my heart to be easy, are gone.
    I’ve been trying to become more aware of these opportunities and break the habit of interfering.  One of the biggest triggers for me is my phone.  I have to leave it behind.  But as I do, I am often struck with some anxiety about many “what ifs”.  What if I have an emergency? What if one of my kids needs me? What if I need to call the police? These thoughts make my heart race and my breath shallow as I prepare for dangerous emergent scenarios that are highly likely to NOT occur.
    So the first step is calming that right away.  I often use a version of the Loving Kindness meditation to help balance my mind and body.  I am safe.  I am happy. I am healthy. I am living a life of ease.  A few recitations and I am free to leave my phone behind, entering the space of being physically alone with the chances of experiencing solitude high.
    When I allow myself to truly be alone in solitude I feel lighter and free to truly love and connect with where I am in the moment. I see things about my surroundings that I would have otherwise let go unnoticed.
    This morning I left for a walk along the shore of the Gulf of Mexico. I left my phone behind.  What if I want to take a picture? What if there is an emergency? What if someone needs me?…. I am safe… and I left the hotel room.  It was 7am. The sun had just risen but was still behind the high rises.  It took a few hundred steps to reach the water line.  I turned right and headed north along the beach with the Gulf waters and the gentle waves breaking to my left.  The crackle of shells under my feet was the only sound other than the whisper of waves as they rose and fell on the sand.  I walked about two miles up the shore to the spot where a lady had told me I would be most likely to find a sand dollar.  I had been searching for days.  As I walked, I picked up a few amazing shells, admiring the crowns of the mini conch shells and the symmetry of the color, texture and patterns on each shell that caught my eye.  But still no sand dollar.  As I neared my destination I happened upon another woman in search of a sand dollar.  We had a brief friendly exchange and I continued on.  I reached my turning point, marked by trees and brush blocking easy access to the shoreline, two miles from where I had begun.  I turned around with still no sighting of a sand dollar.  As I passed my fellow shell searcher I told her I hadn’t found a sand dollar.  She replied with, “Well, I guess I don’t need to walk that far up if there aren’t any [sand dollars] anyway.”  I responded, “each wave brings new treasures. So you never know what you’ll find.” I was trying to encourage her to continue in her search even though mine had not been successful yet.  I turned from her and walked about 10 steps, paused for a moment and decided to take off my sandals and walk in the break of the waves.  I removed my shoes placed the straps over the fingers of my right hand and watched as a hand dollar, fully intact, washed over my feet.  I immediately released my shoes to retrieve the sand dollar as my sandals took a ride in the waves.  I couldn’t risk using my left hand as that would have meant losing the collection of other beautiful beach treasures I had gathered.  As the sand dollar found its way into my hand still rolling in the waves, my heart was flooded with a sense of ease and synchronicity and then gratitude to the ocean for presenting me with this gift.  I shared my find with the lady and then headed back south, synchronizing my steps with the rhythm of the waves.